I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Bring me that man meat
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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