Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
