Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize