he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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