Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
