The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she smelled like a LAN party
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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