Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
