I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
