I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
