Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
