I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
