Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
