Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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