There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
