The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
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