My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
