New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
