i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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