The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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