I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
