I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
