Me. At least after what I've been through.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
