if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize