One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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