y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
