i wish my penis had a tongue
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
