when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
