Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
