I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
