I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
