I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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