I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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