Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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