Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dignity is for republicans.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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