so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
