you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
