i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize