I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He better not be in your backpack
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
