every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Randomize
