she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
vagina is talking i cant
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
