i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Terrible idea I love it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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