Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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