i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
