I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
