dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
