wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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