Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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