whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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