Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
