I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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