it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize