i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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