you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
