I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
