she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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