so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize