Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
