Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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