If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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