You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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