i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
