...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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