and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
