That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
