too bad you live with your parents still
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
