It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
