I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
