it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
