We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
