And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Oh god it's open bar.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
