Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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