I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize