my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
