I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
