I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
