Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
