you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
