some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You ruined the universe
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
