Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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