Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
