So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
