just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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