Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
