I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
