then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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