Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
