Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
