Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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