don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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