We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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