My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
