...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
