Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
