if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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