So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
