we have officially lost it.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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