I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
