you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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