This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
