I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
