Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
