Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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