Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
