I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
