So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
